Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Facebooking 101




www.GoliathFlores.com

This post will supply you with some guidelines for effectively showing the world who you are, what you do, where you've been, who you know, what you're listening to, and what you're eating.

We are all unique individuals and facebook has given us a venue to publicly chronicle our lives. It has also helped people crystallize their digital personas.


American society has been through many fads and changes throughout its history. Fads like "Break-Dancing, owning a "Pager/Beeper", and having a myspace have come and gone (Whats a 'myspace' you ask? Haha!). But, today having a facebook account is increasingly popular. Facebooking is not only a modern fad, it's a "meta" fad riding on the advances of computer technology.

Having an "on-line" presence has become an essential ingredient for a successful life in society. There are many things that can make people assume you've "gone off the deep end". One of these things is NOT having a, or canceling your facebook account, which can cause people to think that you've grown a beard, moved to the mountains to play the Banjo, hunt deer, and join a militia group.

There are several things to take into consideration when sculpting your "persona" on a social network. Here are twelve tips to facebooking successfully:



1. You must have a picture of yourself smoking a Hookah ESPECIALLY if you're female.



2. (Females Only) You must have at least one photo that indicates some sort of "lesbian" innuendo. I say "Females Only" because if it was a guy doing this to a girl in a picture he'd be considered a mere perv. And not an open minded female on the cutting edge of "social progress".



3. (Females only in most cases) You must have at least one picture of you smooching your lips at the camera. Or at least puckering them to either look pouty, or to make your lips look bigger. Some experts claim that the "Pouty Lip Syndrome" (PLS) is caused by the lids on to-go coffees which resemble a toddler's sippy cup. There isn't much science to that theory, yet I think it merits further study. However, think of the pouting of the lips as a sort of mating call... You know, the way peacocks open their feathers to be more attractive to their mate. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. So post at least one picture with smoochy pouty lips.


4. If you have a well maintained body you almost HAVE TO show us.




5. Posting a picture of your quirky side is of the essence. This lets people know that you're not all business and that you know how to have fun!



6. Don't EVER... EVER... EVER EVER EVER EVER use facebook to discuss anything intellectually challenging or controversial in your posts. This is all about being liked by, and getting along with everyone... People. So don't go thinking to far outside of "The Box".

7. Show us what you're eating instead. But... Make sure it doesn't look like a professional photo by a cuisine photographer otherwise people will think you stole the image from the internet, and that is bad, since giving people the impression that you're passing someone else's work of as your own is... Well... It's not so bad I guess... People steal other peoples images all the time. So, since we all do it, it's o.k. forget I said that last part.




8. Get a tattoo, preferably of something spiritually symbolic, or of significant personal meaning to you. It will help to show your individuality in numbers 1-4.





9. Post as often as possible or else people will think you died, instead of them thinking that you went out(side) and got a life.





10. Jump on the band wagon. One way to show fellow facebookers how intelligent you are is by making fun of individuals who are easy targets, like George W. Bush. Unfortunately doing so may keep you from helping more intelligent people gain notoriety.




Dogmatic link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpCypn2YXKY


11. Post a picture amongst your photos of a celebrity you think you look like, or that other people think you look like. 






12. Your friend count is a direct reflection of your self worth. SO KEEP YOUR FRIEND COUNT UP! And use absolutely no discretion with your "Accept Request" button.



www.GoliathFlores.com



RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:47 PM

    i think i've been half assing my facebook. thanks for the pointers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. reenayhey11:16 PM

    that headstone picture...fantastic!!!
    i love this.

    ReplyDelete