Thursday, July 23, 2009

World War II In A Nutshell




















WWII

  • Germany invades Czechoslovakia.
  • Britain & France tell them to stop that bullsh*t.
  • Germany invades Poland. (Russia also invades Poland from the other side: everybody forgets this.)
  • Britain & France declare war. This is the 'official' kick-off.
  • Italy, Bulgaria, Hungary, & Romania all join the German side. (Everybody forgets the last three.)
  • Axis forces go through Europe like a hot knife through butter.
  • Nazis exterminate Jews, gays, gypsies, & the disabled. (everybody remembers the jews but forgets the rest.)
  • UK holds out.
  • Russia & the USA don't do sh*t.
  • Entire divisions of Danish, Belgian, Dutch, Norwegian, French & Serbian volunteers join the Axis armies & SS. (everybody forgets this & to listen to them now, they were all in the f***ing resistance, which must have been MASSIVE.)
  • Axis forces invade Russia. Suddenly the Russians don't think it's funny any more.
  • Japan joins the Axis & bombs Pearl Harbor.
  • Suddenly the US doesn't think it's funny any more.
  • The USA tools up the world, 'cause it's got more factories than everybody else put together, & they're out of bomber range.
  • Axis runs out of steam in Russia, cause Russia's enormous & bloody freezing.
  • Allies invade on D-Day... 5 landings: 2 British, 2 American, 1 Canadian. (everybody forgets the Canadians.)
  • Hitler ends up smoldering in a ditch. Russians find the body & confirm he only had one ball. Seriously.
  • The US decides invading stuff is a pain in the ass and invents the atom bomb instead. Drops two buckets 'o sunshine on Japan.
  • Russians steal half of Europe.
  • UK's spent almost every penny it had.
  • US starts telling everybody how it was all about them, & 64 years later is still doing so. 

The Russian army taking over the Reichstag building in Germany during WWII

More on WWII in the form of a podcast: 
Ghosts of the Ostfront: Part I
Ghosts of the Ostfront: Part II
Ghosts of the Ostfront: Part III
Ghosts of the Ostfront: Part IV
("Ostfront" means "Eastern Front")




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